ATTENTION! POOL RULES!

• Free swim Thursdays 4:00 - 4:15.
• Shower before entering pool. Also, shave before entering pool.
• This is a “Body Shame Free” zone. You must keep your eyes closed at all times.
• Chairs may only be saved with a passport, $50 bill, or a signed photo of Burt Reynolds.
• Towels available for a small fee—ask the Towel Troll for details.
• Water in the pool is a privilege, not a right!
• Just going to be honest here about going #1 and #2: going #1 is way less of a big deal than you think. Going #2 is way more of a big deal than you think.
• Do NOT talk to Randy about 9/11.
• NO CANADIANS

Also: what’s your theme song; Adam the lion; cloggin’ a drain; seeing yourself in a mirror; grits etc.; Burt Reynolds; peeing on Car 17; splashing is not drowning; pool chairs for everyone bro; browsing TV Guide; Robin Hood of chaises; an original Playstation; The Meerkats and the Laundry Bag; nipples in a crawlspace; ask Quora; the sausage sweats.